Saturday, June 23, 2018

A Real Life Love Story

June 23, 2018


I am a sap for love stories. A good book, a great movie, you name it. I love the happy endings. I love when boy meets girl, they overcome an obstacle, and they live happily ever after. One of my favorite stories is "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks. I've often wondered if there was truly such a story. The true love between a man and wife. A love that spanned the decades, overcame hardships and trials, even the confusion and loss of dementia. It didn't take me long to realize that I've seen one of those true love stories my entire life. It comes from watching my parents, who today, are celebrating 60 years of Marriage!


 


Mom and Dad's relationship didn't have the Hollywood drama in it that Noah and Allie had in "The Notebook," but the love; that true, deep, stands-the-test-of-time love is definitely there. Mom and Dad met when they were both in high school at Bethel High School off of Route 58 toward Damascus. They were both "seeing" other people when they met, but from all I can tell of talking to both of them and hearing stories of their relationship, Daddy was very smitten with the oldest little Jackson girl, and Momma was the same with the oldest Carbary boy. Momma even told me recently that when she saw Daddy for the first time, she thought he was cute! They dated for a couple of years before they married. Both were just seventeen. Dad had just graduated from Bethel - Class of 1958! Dad's parents knew that he and mom were sneaking away to the courthouse and then to the preacher's house on June 23, 1958, but Mom's parents did not. After their elopement, Mom's mother - my Granny Margaret - didn't take the news very well. I think she thought they were too young and needed to live a little. She threw a fit and wouldn't let Mom get any of her things. Mom and Dad lived with Dad's parents where Mom had to wear my Granny Gladys' clothes for a little more than a week, until my Granny Margaret calmed down and my PapPaw S.L. convinced her to let Momma get her clothes. The family laughs about that story now, but I imagine for Mom and Dad, it was very nerve wracking until emotions settled down. They knew that they loved each other and that they were going to be together and they made that happen despite the consequences.













Their first home was a ten foot by twenty-eight Their first home was a ten foot by twenty-eight foot trailer. I can't imagine living in something that small, but they made it work for the first few years. They eventually moved into a little house just down the street from both sets of parents (they always referred to this house as "the little house"). They lived there until 1972 when they finished construction on their new house on Panacella Drive in Abingdon. We lived there until 1985 when we relocated to Rhea Valley. Their first "child" came in the form of a little black and white Boston Terrier named Edgar. They had him from 1960 until he died in 1969. Robbie was born in 1969 and then I came along in 1975.



Mom always made the house a home. She was a stay-at-home Mom, or a homemaker as we used to say. She worked for Harwood in Abingdon for a little while in the late 60's, she did seamstress work for Maxine's in Abingdon and for others that she knew, she babysat, and she cleaned some houses but her full-time job was taking care of all of us - a job that she did wonderfully by the way! Dad always worked hard to provide for Mom and for us. After they were first married, he helped his Dad in construction and worked on cars. At some point, he even owned Interstate Gulf Service Station in Abingdon for a time. In 1964, Dad joined the Army Reserves and had to spend six months in Fort Dix, NJ (to my knowledge, this was the longest time they were ever apart their whole married life). Dad worked for Raytheon and then Sundstrand. On the side, he did odd jobs such as fixing and selling bicycles, mowing yards, and even becoming a licensed locksmith. Dad sold insurance for Mutual of Omaha and Woodmen of the World, and from stories I've heard them tell, there was a time that he even sold vacuum cleaners door-to-door. For many years he was the maintenance man for the Washington County Department of Social Services. And, in the early 80's, Dad decided he wanted to become a full-time preacher in the United Methodist Church. Dad preached part-time and worked for Social Services until 1992 when he received his first full-time appointment. Dad preached until he/they retired in 2010. He even received his Associates Degree in Human Services from Virginia Highlands Community College in 1995 - all while working full-time. Throughout every job change, Dad was always striving to take care of his family and Mom was always right there beside him, helping him, supporting him, and keeping the home and all of us on track. Where one was, so was the other!



Through the years they had their struggles. They had a few sicknesses, some pretty big losses, some hardships, and lots of sacrifices, but that never changed their love for each other or for family. If they ever fought, we never heard it. If their finances were difficult, we never knew there was a problem. Did we have the finest of everything? No, but what we had was the best because they made it that way for us. We never went without. They didn't always have it easy, but they always had each other. When times got rough, neither of them gave in, threw in the towel, or walked away. Love brought them together and that love and their faith in God has kept them strong and steady through everything.

Both are now struggling with Dementia. There are times when Mom can't understand what is wrong with Dad, or she can't understand what he is saying. There are times when Dad can't communicate to her the way he once did. But, when they really look at each other, or they hold each other's hand, you can see the love and the comfort that they give to each other. They are each other's rock and source of comfort. It's not unusual to go visit with them and see her standing beside his chair or sitting beside his bed holding his hand or rubbing his harm. It's also not unusual, if she's not touching him, to see Dad reaching out to pat her on the shoulder or to pat her arm. And if he looses sight of her, he'll call out, "Hey, Mom," or "Hey, Patsy," until he can get to where he can see her or she comes to check on him. Where one is, so is the other, just like it's been for 60 years now. That bond, that love that they share, it is so strong that it even conquers the confusion and isolation of Dementia.

In a visit with them this past weekend, I asked them if they ever thought that they would be married for 60 years. Dad had dozed off in his recliner, so he didn't answer, but Mom, at first, she giggled and said, "No." Then, she thought for a moment and said, "Yes, I did. We made a promise when we got married and we meant to keep it!" I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt they truly are the shining example of what a real marriage is supposed to be. I was told once that I lived a fairy-tale life because my parents never divorced, and I suppose to some, maybe that is the case, and I'm totally ok with that kind of fairy-tale. I'd rather have watched their example and experienced their love more than anything else! This is just a short summary of their story, and I know my words don't truly do justice to their relationship, but I think this real version, this Real Life Love Story, that I've witnessed my entire life is far better than the book or the movie that I mentioned earlier!

So, Happy 60th Anniversary Mom and Dad (Bob and Patsy)!!! Thank you for your example and may God continue to bless your love!!