Direction

Direction

May 28, 2015

As I sit here this evening, with thousands of things floating through my mind all at once, there is one song that keeps floating to the top; “Life Ain’t Always Beautiful” by Gary Allan. It starts out by saying, “Life ain’t always beautiful. Sometimes it’s just plain hard. Life can knock you down; it can break your heart.” From where I sit right now, that is the honest truth.

I started this blog as a way of writing, sharing my thoughts, and really getting the experience of telling a story to someone other than my poor husband that gets stuck listening to all of my tales. My original goal, and I believe it was actually in the very first “Welcome” post that I put up, was that I wanted this blog to be light and funny. There have been times over the last year and a half that I have veered off into the more serious and sometimes even “preachy” posts. There have been some funny ones too, but as the song I mentioned earlier stated, “Life ain’t always beautiful.” There are not always sunny days. There are not always peaks. Sometimes we have rain and even storms roll through our lives. And sometimes, we find ourselves in the lowest valley imaginable. For all light, there is the absence of that light, and for all good, there are those that have forever abandoned it. So all posts, no matter how much I’d like for them to be, cannot be funny and happy. For that, I’m sorry, as I whole-heartedly wish there was another way around that.

Sometimes changes in directions can come willingly. That happened to me when I decided to stop working in industry and venture in to teaching my trade to high schoolers. Boy, what a change in direction! Sometimes good changes come a little unexpectedly. Take this blog for instance; I never thought I’d be a writer, although I’ve written hundreds of pages of things in my life. My directional change when I met my husband was unexpected, but it was good unexpected and has led to the life that I’ve got now. The directional change to start “farming” was also unexpected, but even though it’s been and will be lots of hard work, it’s been so worth it. And sometimes, this life of ours seems to take wild turns and curves at unexpected intervals. We can truly believe that we’ve got our cruise control on and our autopilot set, but in actuality, it is NOT in our control. Life has a way of completely changing our direction with absolutely no advanced warning. One day all is ok, the next, WHAM, everything is completely upside down. Life has done that to me and my family at the moment. We are facing a health situation with my dad that none of us ever dreamed would hit. It’s one of those situations where you hear of others facing these problems, but not anyone that you know closely. Things that were once so important and “needed,” now seem to pale in comparison to what is actually required for that moment. Everyday routines that were maybe a little hum-drum and taken for granted have become wonderful and cherished when they’re possible. Good days, when things are right with Dad, have become few, but when they arrive, they’re absolutely precious and priceless. Extended family that you usually only see on holidays have become invaluable in helping with things that you really didn’t know you needed help with. Friends, acquaintances, and even strangers have offered loving kindness that will never be able to be repaid. Most importantly, you find many people of many beliefs, and all of them offering prayers and love at a much needed time. 

I’ve learned a lot about directional changes over the last few weeks. I’ve ridden emotional rollercoasters before, but man when they hit, they’re enough to make you puke up your toenails after all the humps, bumps, and loops go through. So like me, this blog will from time to time take a change in direction. I don’t know when I’ll be able to do so, but I would like to chronical some things that we experience with this illness. I would like for it to be out there for people that will be experiencing the same thing my family is currently going through. No cases will ever be the same, but knowing that you’re not alone in the turmoil, that someone else has experienced something similar, that can certainly help. That part may be long in the future, but I do want to share it, one day.

None of us know what tomorrow brings, so sometimes, you’ve got to be willing to ride the ride and see where it takes you. The good thing is, that the valleys don’t last forever, neither does the rain. Good comes out of all situations, even if we can’t see it when we’re in the midst of it. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know what it is. And most importantly, we are NOT the ones controlling the ride. That’s all in God’s hands and His Will will happen and in His time. 

As a fitting end to this post, I think I’ll leave you with some more words of the song “Life Ain’t Always Beautiful,” “But the struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise. And happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time. No, life ain’t always beautiful. But I know I’ll be fine. Hey, life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride.”

PS – Thanks for the Song Gary Allan!